no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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