We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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