Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Damn victory sex feels great
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
