Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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