goodnight i made you a song goodbye
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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