I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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