you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
