If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
