is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
