yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
