why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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