I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
