i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have aggressive nipples.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize