is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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