He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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