if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
