It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
