just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize