No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
