I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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