that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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