She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
