I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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