And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this boner is exhausting
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
