I'm lost and stupid without you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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