can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
