this just has baby written all over it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We have started to decorate penises.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
