While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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