can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
