That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize