dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
