I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
my poor anus
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
