I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
