I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
