We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
