1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
