At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
