i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my phone needs a breathalizer
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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