well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
