I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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