I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
