what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I love you. Go after that dick
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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