oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
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