Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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