you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
ttyl tear gas
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
