I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so much tequila, so little girl.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
