Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
