What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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