My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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