I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
