STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
