Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
