tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
