if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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