shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
