ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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