The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
