And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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