and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
