What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
