so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
