I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
