shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
