sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
