So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
