if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
