everyone is single if you try hard enough
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
