I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
